Erotic and relationship habits are hard to break. First you have to see them, then you can do something about them.

The more I work with co-created massage, the stronger is my instinct that this is what bodies need.

Working with a Sexological Bodyworker the session is centred on you in the place you’re at. It’s essentially a place, free from judgement, for you to learn about yourself and connect to your body in safety.

I feel like I got to the non-heteronormative sex+ party late, and I don’t know what to make of myself in it. I’ve not given much thought to identity until recently, the truth is I pretty much haven’t had to. As a seemingly straight, white, privileged woman, I’ve taken my own sexual identity somewhat as a given and now I don’t know what to make of myself in that.

I have so many conversations with people who don’t understand why love is such hard work. And I tend to agree while being without having any real answers on how to make it easy, though I suspect it’s relationships that take the work, love is more a state of being.

Sometimes it’s easier not to go there, go to the place of new experience, the beginnings of a new relationship, love or flirtatious friendship. It can be a small danger zone for tender hearts that have been disappointed before. A place where previous upsets and unfulfilled expectations jump on for the ride, scanning the horizon for slights even before a first kiss.

How do you chat someone up online? How do you move from pleasantries to an online erotic friendship or encounter? How do we draw and sense the desire lines, and gently follow them?

It’d be easy to give up, to think we’re destined never to be touched again. Or to break rules, go out for illicit meetings, which have the erotic charge of the forbidden. Even then, being able to relate authentically and intimately is key in these precious moments. How do we form a temporary trust bubble that can encompass a span of human connection, to recognise each other in both aloneness and anticipation? Desultory sexting and pictures of your dinner only go so far in establishing originality and depth.

People get bored of routines it’s the same with routine sex. We all want something to be different but how? I don’t know about you but many of us have a stash of once worn dressing up stuff and few opportunities to wear it. The idea is nice, the reality tricky: how to move from Netflix to a negligee in one seamless move.

I have a sexy male friend who loves threesomes, but who over time has realised his body  and pleasure isn’t getting a look in as he’s setting up then watching the femme on femme action.  He’s had fantasies about group sex since he was younger, loves the attention on him and loves the company of women. Yet over time the he found the pleasure diminishing.

There’s a lot of information out about The Wheel of Consent out there. Brilliant, clear explanations about the quadrants, the purpose and the basis of it.  Imho It’s a subtle, radical work of genius and thankfully spreading through the conscious sexuality teaching world.