Nibble
“May I nibble your ear, Alison?” was the first sentence anyone ever asked to check my consent. He paused to wait for my answer. I was in my first cuddle pile, slightly bewildered by what might be expected of me and the purpose of a cuddle party in general. I said yes to the request and marvelled at the experience. Not just of the soft, slow, brief nibble, but of the space and time to decide before it happened.
“May I nibble your ear, Alison?” was the first sentence anyone ever asked to check my consent. He paused to wait for my answer. I was in my first cuddle pile, slightly bewildered by what might be expected of me and the purpose of a cuddle party in general. I said yes to the request and marvelled at the experience. Not just of the soft, slow, brief nibble, but of the space and time to decide before it happened.
Assortment
I’ve loved sessions with an assortment of clairvoyants, astrologers, healers and wise seers, whose words were what I needed to hear at the time, to be open to following the path of most resistance. They helped steer a course to walk an original trail. Mine. When anything is possible, which it isn’t, how do we choose to walk towards a direction that’s ours? I needed help to narrow that down. I sought outside insight to stray from what I was trained for, to trust in intelligence from the seers’ divine sources, till I developed a connection to my own.
I’ve loved sessions with an assortment of clairvoyants, astrologers, healers and wise seers, whose words were what I needed to hear at the time, to be open to following the path of most resistance. They helped steer a course to walk an original trail. Mine. When anything is possible, which it isn’t, how do we choose to walk towards a direction that’s ours? I needed help to narrow that down. I sought outside insight to stray from what I was trained for, to trust in intelligence from the seers’ divine sources, till I developed a connection to my own.
Passé
Change is inevitable in intimacy. What I want today may not be what I had before. How I want to be and what I want to experience and share as intimacy is mutable. I can't say I understand nurturing a wank bank. When something has gone, it’s rarely worthy of revisiting. Or perhaps the loss of what was once good would be too upsetting. I’d rather have real things to look forward to than go over fantasy or what’s already passé.
Change is inevitable in intimacy. What I want today may not be what I had before. How I want to be and what I want to experience and share as intimacy is mutable. I can't say I understand nurturing a wank bank. When something has gone, it’s rarely worthy of revisiting. Or perhaps the loss of what was once good would be too upsetting. I’d rather have real things to look forward to than go over fantasy or what’s already passé.
Mules
Sometimes I laugh at the Bridget Jones nature of how I got myself into unfulfilled promises of pleasure, simply by being open to life. Doing the research into what I like and don’t like wasn’t sitting around like a wafty tantric goddess or glamorous burlesque dancer, nibbling mangoes, wearing fluffy mules and waiting for some handsome yet inexpressively subtle warrior to show up. It’s more tawdry than that. While it might make for a good story, I wish I hadn’t had to find out the hard way.
Sometimes I laugh at the Bridget Jones nature of how I got myself into unfulfilled promises of pleasure, simply by being open to life. Doing the research into what I like and don’t like wasn’t sitting around like a wafty tantric goddess or glamorous burlesque dancer, nibbling mangoes, wearing fluffy mules and waiting for some handsome yet inexpressively subtle warrior to show up. It’s more tawdry than that. While it might make for a good story, I wish I hadn’t had to find out the hard way.
Path
A mixed Tantra workshop isn’t going to give you security. Though it’ll show you who you are, your hopes, your ‘stuff’, your potential, your possessiveness, your triggers, as well as insightful and healing opportunities. This too is part of “the inner work,” on a spiritual path of growth.
A mixed Tantra workshop isn’t going to give you security. Though it’ll show you who you are, your hopes, your ‘stuff’, your potential, your possessiveness, your triggers, as well as insightful and healing opportunities. This too is part of “the inner work,” on a spiritual path of growth.
Advice
Unsolicited advice is just that. It sounds like criticism and is rarely helpful. I’m particularly averse to unsolicited advice. If I want feedback, a testimonial or a sounding board, I’ll ask for it. I have an inner coterie of valued consiglieri. So if it’s something you want, a request is easier.
Unsolicited advice is just that. It sounds like criticism and is rarely helpful. I’m particularly averse to unsolicited advice. If I want feedback, a testimonial or a sounding board, I’ll ask for it. I have an inner coterie of valued consiglieri. So if it’s something you want, a request is easier.
Pivot
Squandering what I had in the name of freedom, I took off when everyone else locked down. I lived life in 90-day parcels, in Italy, Albania, Corfu, Mexico, and Colombia. On lonely days, I was comforted by the knowledge I’d chosen it. I joined sex-positive online gatherings, learned verbal commands, made new friends, and occasionally danced naked in morning zoom socials. I had a crush on a performance artist I met at an online party. Months later, we sold tickets for our first irl date. There wasn’t a second. I wrote in seaside towns, drinking black coffee and sparkling water, looking out over the green, clear water in Albania, and under a palm-frilled roof in Mexico and later, up in the Colombian Andes, where the horizon was punctuated by a volcano 70 kilometres away on a clear day. I forgot I was supposed to ‘pivot’ my business. Baulking at the word, my quiet, soft resistance ruins and strengthens in equal measure.
Squandering what I had in the name of freedom, I took off when everyone else locked down. I lived life in 90-day parcels, in Italy, Albania, Corfu, Mexico, and Colombia. On lonely days, I was comforted by the knowledge I’d chosen it. I joined sex-positive online gatherings, learned verbal commands, made new friends, and occasionally danced naked in morning zoom socials. I had a crush on a performance artist I met at an online party. Months later, we sold tickets for our first irl date. There wasn’t a second. I wrote in seaside towns, drinking black coffee and sparkling water, looking out over the green, clear water in Albania, and under a palm-frilled roof in Mexico and later, up in the Colombian Andes, where the horizon was punctuated by a volcano 70 kilometres away on a clear day. I forgot I was supposed to ‘pivot’ my business. Baulking at the word, my quiet, soft resistance ruins and strengthens in equal measure.
Bowl
I have a small package of slips of paper with possibilities from some of the times I’ve played the game of taking it in turns. All the ideas are dropped into a gong bowl, and you take it in turns to pick out ideas. The responses to the ideas could be ‘Yes, no, maybe, later, not this evening, or never’. Setting a timer to try the choice out, when the alarm goes off (or when one person loses willingness), you stop. Riffling amongst the fading inspiration slips in different handwritings in smiling remembrance of connections past, I find: yabyum, dress up, hot oil massage, 10 mins free choice, soul gazing, bind my wrists together slowly, read to me, shower together, B2B massage. Those were devotional, fun, pleasurable times.
I have a small package of slips of paper with possibilities from some of the times I’ve played the game of taking it in turns. All the ideas are dropped into a gong bowl, and you take it in turns to pick out ideas. The responses to the ideas could be ‘Yes, no, maybe, later, not this evening, or never’. Setting a timer to try the choice out, when the alarm goes off (or when one person loses willingness), you stop. Riffling amongst the fading inspiration slips in different handwritings in smiling remembrance of connections past, I find: yabyum, dress up, hot oil massage, 10 mins free choice, soul gazing, bind my wrists together slowly, read to me, shower together, B2B massage. Those were devotional, fun, pleasurable times.
Unfurl
Relationships seem so doomed to fail long-term that it seems imperative to enjoy the wonder of the early days when everything might unfurl in the way we’ve always longed for. It might be limerence; enjoy it if and when you can.
Relationships seem so doomed to fail long-term that it seems imperative to enjoy the wonder of the early days when everything might unfurl in the way we’ve always longed for. It might be limerence; enjoy it if and when you can.
Go
What would you do if you were to really go for what you wanted? Take a risk, take a first step, be bold and honest. Find out if what you imagined is possible. It’s not easy, though it’s probably your best chance, unless you know where the knights in shining armour live.
What would you do if you were to really go for what you wanted? Take a risk, take a first step, be bold and honest. Find out if what you imagined is possible. It’s not easy, though it’s probably your best chance, unless you know where the knights in shining armour live.
Chess
I landed on a Greek island for a new decade of discovery, called by an inner voice. Keeper of a nexus point, in a life under the Grecian sun. A chess piece moved by the Greek gods, from one green landscape to another, dropped in a tiny village near the edge of the island, in the centre of a spiritual community. Overlooking a small shrine on the edge of a cliff, I look out into the big blue horizons, the vast azure sky of sunny days, and I'm beyond grateful that I'm here and not in some golden stone cottage with a dungeon.
I landed on a Greek island for a new decade of discovery, called by an inner voice. Keeper of a nexus point, in a life under the Grecian sun. A chess piece moved by the Greek gods, from one green landscape to another, dropped in a tiny village near the edge of the island, in the centre of a spiritual community. Overlooking a small shrine on the edge of a cliff, I look out into the big blue horizons, the vast azure sky of sunny days, and I'm beyond grateful that I'm here and not in some golden stone cottage with a dungeon.
Fluidity
I love the broadest definition of Queer as not straight. Leaving the heteronormative escalator, experimenting with different relationship models and erotic styles, and stopping conforming to unconscious roles, and straight or tantric versions of polarity. Rather than an identity crisis, it’s an invitation to freedom, to possibility, to fluidity beyond the binary ordinary. Allowing that curiosity into being is exciting, wondering who or what will bring out aspects of a soul in waiting? Being intimate, being close, consenting and confident in our connections is of ever greater importance. In finding solace, acceptance, support and pleasure, the erotic matters.
I love the broadest definition of Queer as not straight. Leaving the heteronormative escalator, experimenting with different relationship models and erotic styles, and stopping conforming to unconscious roles, and straight or tantric versions of polarity. Rather than an identity crisis, it’s an invitation to freedom, to possibility, to fluidity beyond the binary ordinary. Allowing that curiosity into being is exciting, wondering who or what will bring out aspects of a soul in waiting? Being intimate, being close, consenting and confident in our connections is of ever greater importance. In finding solace, acceptance, support and pleasure, the erotic matters.
Love
How else but love are we going to change our inner worlds? I met two boyfriends on tantra courses who each taught me about love; one who opened then hurt my heart deeply, and one who healed it lightly with gentleness, a honeymoon suite and kindness. The first opened me up to pleasure and loss, the other encouraged me to write. Love for both prevails.
How else but love are we going to change our inner worlds? I met two boyfriends on tantra courses who each taught me about love; one who opened then hurt my heart deeply, and one who healed it lightly with gentleness, a honeymoon suite and kindness. The first opened me up to pleasure and loss, the other encouraged me to write. Love for both prevails.
Step
Each joyful, painful, helpful step of the sexuality journey changed me, woke me up to myself. I used to know how to make a living but not how to live. Or love. I couldn’t have changed without yoga, art, dancing and stripping, chanting, listening to my heart and body, being with the people who hurt or healed, nurturing sensual touch, bodywork and shadow healing. Exploring depths and darker sides to stop avoiding suffering, grow whole and find compassion.
Each joyful, painful, helpful step of the sexuality journey changed me, woke me up to myself. I used to know how to make a living but not how to live. Or love. I couldn’t have changed without yoga, art, dancing and stripping, chanting, listening to my heart and body, being with the people who hurt or healed, nurturing sensual touch, bodywork and shadow healing. Exploring depths and darker sides to stop avoiding suffering, grow whole and find compassion.
Plan
A gift of a pendulum tuned me into Spirit, and a unique path opened up in front of me, holding a place for faith and surrender to life itself. Getting conscious of a divine plan helped me shift from being list-driven to meeting life in the moment, receptive, curious, wondering what each person or happening is here to show me. Asking for trust instead of anxiety. I’m not special. What if that’s how life works? And there’s still a list.
A gift of a pendulum tuned me into Spirit, and a unique path opened up in front of me, holding a place for faith and surrender to life itself. Getting conscious of a divine plan helped me shift from being list-driven to meeting life in the moment, receptive, curious, wondering what each person or happening is here to show me. Asking for trust instead of anxiety. I’m not special. What if that’s how life works? And there’s still a list.
Alien
The Wheel of Consent helps me be acutely aware of my agency and every single choice every single day. It’s inner work, enhancing generosity and a compassionate mind. When boundaries are no longer assailed, it’s easier to give and allow, not from obligation but ease. I’m aware the honesty can feel alien at first, but there’s no going back to confusion or telepathy, avoidance or acquiescence. Chosen touch can take you somewhere you didn’t know you wanted till you got there and felt it.
The Wheel of Consent helps me be acutely aware of my agency and every single choice every single day. It’s inner work, enhancing generosity and a compassionate mind. When boundaries are no longer assailed, it’s easier to give and allow, not from obligation but ease. I’m aware the honesty can feel alien at first, but there’s no going back to confusion or telepathy, avoidance or acquiescence. Chosen touch can take you somewhere you didn’t know you wanted till you got there and felt it.
Sport
I’ve never understood the interest in sport. Week in, week out, watching other people’s efforts in the hope of a few exciting moments of indirect pleasure. The goal posts are small, the moves are only occasionally virtuous, and belonging to the crowd matters. I see the parallel in the prevailing models for sex. If sexuality is like a creative spaceship, with the potential for traversing galaxies, let’s not use it to go to the corner shop for a white sliced loaf. Or a rugby match.
I’ve never understood the interest in sport. Week in, week out, watching other people’s efforts in the hope of a few exciting moments of indirect pleasure. The goal posts are small, the moves are only occasionally virtuous, and belonging to the crowd matters. I see the parallel in the prevailing models for sex. If sexuality is like a creative spaceship, with the potential for traversing galaxies, let’s not use it to go to the corner shop for a white sliced loaf. Or a rugby match.
Knickers
While libidos, rather than knickers, are hitting the floor, porn usage is hitting the roof. I’m not saying the two are related, but surely, there’s better than this? We can all have greater experiences. If a drop in desire is because there is little sense of agency about what happens to bodies in bedrooms following an outsider's script, that makes sense. It stands to reason not to show up for something unfulfilling, unexciting or repetitive. For anyone.
While libidos, rather than knickers, are hitting the floor, porn usage is hitting the roof. I’m not saying the two are related, but surely, there’s better than this? We can all have greater experiences. If a drop in desire is because there is little sense of agency about what happens to bodies in bedrooms following an outsider's script, that makes sense. It stands to reason not to show up for something unfulfilling, unexciting or repetitive. For anyone.
Naive
Why do I expect that everything should go right when I’m careless, hopeful and thoughtless? While deluding myself that I’m careful, moderate and risk averse. Despite experience, I still expect mostly good times and ease, and it’s riotously unsettling when I don’t find smooth passage. With my privilege, I don’t imagine hardship. And suffering, while not unknown, is an immature aversion. My mind likes to see the good, the potential and the upside, and to follow the pleasure. Staying clear and wise to the ways I trick myself into rose-tinted futures is necessary, seeing the balance of probabilities rather than the dream. The future is always better, the now is tricky. That premise is questionably naive given late stage capitalism. Yet I don’t know what to do. Buy canned peaches and start prepping?
Why do I expect that everything should go right when I’m careless, hopeful and thoughtless? While deluding myself that I’m careful, moderate and risk averse. Despite experience, I still expect mostly good times and ease, and it’s riotously unsettling when I don’t find smooth passage. With my privilege, I don’t imagine hardship. And suffering, while not unknown, is an immature aversion. My mind likes to see the good, the potential and the upside, and to follow the pleasure. Staying clear and wise to the ways I trick myself into rose-tinted futures is necessary, seeing the balance of probabilities rather than the dream. The future is always better, the now is tricky. That premise is questionably naive given late stage capitalism. Yet I don’t know what to do. Buy canned peaches and start prepping?
Illusion
Seeing attachment patterns is easy in a relationship. Are you avoidant or anxious, or zig zagging chaotically between the two? I’ve been all of them but fundamentally avoidant. Until I was with someone who was more avoidant than me, then I got anxious. I wonder if learned secure is laughable when single, as the illusion is yet to be tested.
Seeing attachment patterns is easy in a relationship. Are you avoidant or anxious, or zig zagging chaotically between the two? I’ve been all of them but fundamentally avoidant. Until I was with someone who was more avoidant than me, then I got anxious. I wonder if learned secure is laughable when single, as the illusion is yet to be tested.