Vainglory
Ffs! I don’t know who to be madder about: the voracious billionaires buying politicians and environmental policy, the warring, corrupt presidents, or the loser rapists drugging their partners. Vainglory, I can’t have the slightest effect on. I feel helpless and furious in equal measures, and I don’t know where to express the futility and rage. So I go about making the house beautiful, supporting the next wave of sex educators, trying to stay grounded in the unease, fear and dismay. How are we supposed to pretend that conquest is ‘success’ or that it’ll all come good, or that disaster capitalism will continue unabated? I want to cry.
Ffs! I don’t know who to be madder about: the voracious billionaires buying politicians and environmental policy, the warring, corrupt presidents, or the loser rapists drugging their partners. Vainglory, I can’t have the slightest effect on. I feel helpless and furious in equal measures, and I don’t know where to express the futility and rage. So I go about making the house beautiful, supporting the next wave of sex educators, trying to stay grounded in the unease, fear and dismay. How are we supposed to pretend that conquest is ‘success’ or that it’ll all come good, or that disaster capitalism will continue unabated? I want to cry.
Head
Allowing the parts of our personalities that we often feel are unacceptable is freeing. Giving them expression with consenting adults who want what you try to hide, and who will support you to feel the permission and experience you seek to heal, builds trust in life. Transformation happens when we can be more of who we are and might be. I’ve come away from D/s workshops feeling like a Head of Household relationship would suit me. That polyamory could get more done. That having ‘men in service’ might not be as demanding as I think. That’s my job. Whether I’ll put any of it into action isn't as important as accepting these aspects in me.
Allowing the parts of our personalities that we often feel are unacceptable is freeing. Giving them expression with consenting adults who want what you try to hide, and who will support you to feel the permission and experience you seek to heal, builds trust in life. Transformation happens when we can be more of who we are and might be. I’ve come away from D/s workshops feeling like a Head of Household relationship would suit me. That polyamory could get more done. That having ‘men in service’ might not be as demanding as I think. That’s my job. Whether I’ll put any of it into action isn't as important as accepting these aspects in me.
Arrive
I’ve just been diagnosed with breast cancer. I’m surprisingly uninterested in having cancer. The greater question, of how to live life with some degree of generosity and radiance after having to stop my beloved HRT patches, is more perplexing. As the oestrogen trickles out of the building, I wonder what might remain or arrive beyond sadness and fatigue? As a friend reminded me, who’s just completed her cancer treatment, “Watch your thoughts, Ali”.
I’ve just been diagnosed with breast cancer. I’m surprisingly uninterested in having cancer. The greater question, of how to live life with some degree of generosity and radiance after having to stop my beloved HRT patches, is more perplexing. As the oestrogen trickles out of the building, I wonder what might remain or arrive beyond sadness and fatigue? As a friend reminded me, who’s just completed her cancer treatment, “Watch your thoughts, Ali”.
Sorry
Defensiveness, blame, judgment, minimising or distraction have no place in a rupture and repair situation. Listening to impact is much more informative. Apologising if asked is easier than holding a grudging reluctance. It’s a big deal to learn to empathise and say sorry genuinely. And to accept an apology and move on.
Defensiveness, blame, judgment, minimising or distraction have no place in a rupture and repair situation. Listening to impact is much more informative. Apologising if asked is easier than holding a grudging reluctance. It’s a big deal to learn to empathise and say sorry genuinely. And to accept an apology and move on.
Rude
I’m trying out being rude and taking a break from my responsive, capable, problem-solving self. I wonder if anyone will notice? It’s a good chance to test where my perception of responsibility meets the reality of necessity.
I’m trying out being rude and taking a break from my responsive, capable, problem-solving self. I wonder if anyone will notice? It’s a good chance to test where my perception of responsibility meets the reality of necessity.
Rut
“Oh, I could have never done that,” is another phrase I hear when I recount my escapades. I never thought I could or would do half the things I’ve done, either. If you want to grow or get out of a rut, putting your body into pleasurable or experimental new situations often rewards the risk.
“Oh, I could have never done that,” is another phrase I hear when I recount my escapades. I never thought I could or would do half the things I’ve done, either. If you want to grow or get out of a rut, putting your body into pleasurable or experimental new situations often rewards the risk.
Unreliable
We’re unreliable narrators of our own lives, based on narrow experiences and inherent ignorance. It’s not our fault, and we’re doing the best we can with what we’ve got. We don’t know what we don’t know. How do we hold compassion for the momentary ridiculousness of enormously preoccupying, ultimately petty concerns? And how, instead, to remember to look at the stars, or the beauty of lichen or a tiny flower and take in the awe of the night sky or exquisite detail? Even though I know this, I spend too much time preoccupied with the first and not enough on the second.
We’re unreliable narrators of our own lives, based on narrow experiences and inherent ignorance. It’s not our fault, and we’re doing the best we can with what we’ve got. We don’t know what we don’t know. How do we hold compassion for the momentary ridiculousness of enormously preoccupying, ultimately petty concerns? And how, instead, to remember to look at the stars, or the beauty of lichen or a tiny flower and take in the awe of the night sky or exquisite detail? Even though I know this, I spend too much time preoccupied with the first and not enough on the second.
Unrequited
I had a realisation that I’ve spent much of my life in situations of unrequited love. I don’t know what to do about that particular existential kink.
I had a realisation that I’ve spent much of my life in situations of unrequited love. I don’t know what to do about that particular existential kink.
Shallow
It’s easy to recognise someone who hasn’t taken a self-development journey in conversational dead ends. The lack of experiential or emotional depth or shade, as the conversation once again steers to mundane past anecdotes. I can find interest in many things, yet this trip down memory lane via unrelated enrollment anecdotes eludes me. Call me shallow.
It’s easy to recognise someone who hasn’t taken a self-development journey in conversational dead ends. The lack of experiential or emotional depth or shade, as the conversation once again steers to mundane past anecdotes. I can find interest in many things, yet this trip down memory lane via unrelated enrollment anecdotes eludes me. Call me shallow.
Sink
When I first bought the house in Corfu, I remember a moment when I looked out of the back window at a single orange on the tree, black mould blanketing the leaves. In the far distance, forboding Pantokrator, the quiet volcano at the centre of the island. My heart sank at the enormity of the task ahead. Until that moment, the process of buying had had an unstoppable momentum. While there were many healthy oranges the following year, this season we’re back to the lonely flowering. Meanwhile, the lemon trees are raining lemons, and I don’t know how to make marmalade. I wonder if it’s time to go to the chapel at the mountain? There’s a darkness to inner strength, and it might be time to pray for guidance rather than repent at leisure.
When I first bought the house in Corfu, I remember a moment when I looked out of the back window at a single orange on the tree, black mould blanketing the leaves. In the far distance, forboding Pantokrator, the quiet volcano at the centre of the island. My heart sank at the enormity of the task ahead. Until that moment, the process of buying had had an unstoppable momentum. While there were many healthy oranges the following year, this season we’re back to the lonely flowering. Meanwhile, the lemon trees are raining lemons, and I don’t know how to make marmalade. I wonder if it’s time to go to the chapel at the mountain? There’s a darkness to inner strength, and it might be time to pray for guidance rather than repent at leisure.
Transactional
If you know human design, I’m a 4/6 generator, the Opportunist/Role Model. A design to create opportunities with friends and friends of friends. Without that focus of opportunity, the energy peters out. Although it can feel transactional when not correct, it’s thrilling when we’re helping each other out with what we individually value. I’m not here to appeal to strangers.
If you know human design, I’m a 4/6 generator, the Opportunist/Role Model. A design to create opportunities with friends and friends of friends. Without that focus of opportunity, the energy peters out. Although it can feel transactional when not correct, it’s thrilling when we’re helping each other out with what we individually value. I’m not here to appeal to strangers.
Commune
Doing things together is so nice, I want to live in a posh commune. Sometimes I do. Together, we get tasks done, eat salad in the sun, go to the beach, and watch the sunset. We feel less stressed and isolated, there’s progress and discovery amidst connection and purpose with heart.
Doing things together is so nice, I want to live in a posh commune. Sometimes I do. Together, we get tasks done, eat salad in the sun, go to the beach, and watch the sunset. We feel less stressed and isolated, there’s progress and discovery amidst connection and purpose with heart.
Archetypes
Playing out archetypal roles has been hugely helpful. In the ritual of Journey of the Heart, different Shivas would come to my goddess temple: Shiva as sinner, lover, father, lost boy, fool, playmate. I forgave a man by representing all the people he’d ever hurt. I had another cry in my arms. I was accepted by one for all the people I’d ever hurt, and I wrestled playfully with another. As the mother, the child, the lover, the goddess, the fool, the playmate, each meeting explored the role in the collective unconscious of what it means to be a human.
Playing out archetypal roles has been hugely helpful. In the ritual of Journey of the Heart, different Shivas would come to my goddess temple: Shiva as sinner, lover, father, lost boy, fool, playmate. I forgave a man by representing all the people he’d ever hurt. I had another cry in my arms. I was accepted by one for all the people I’d ever hurt, and I wrestled playfully with another. As the mother, the child, the lover, the goddess, the fool, the playmate, each meeting explored the role in the collective unconscious of what it means to be a human.
Witch
I didn’t get the witch wound. I don’t understand that feeling of persecution or feeling silenced for being a medicine woman, healer or witch. Not my vibe in this lifetime, though I have many friends who feel it keenly.
I didn’t get the witch wound. I don’t understand that feeling of persecution or feeling silenced for being a medicine woman, healer or witch. Not my vibe in this lifetime, though I have many friends who feel it keenly.
Crop
In the earliest days of learning about kink, I got an intense rush the first time I ‘punished’ my ex for his other women, hopping around clutching his ass after my first attempts with a riding crop. He never let me do that again.
In the earliest days of learning about kink, I got an intense rush the first time I ‘punished’ my ex for his other women, hopping around clutching his ass after my first attempts with a riding crop. He never let me do that again.
Lawrence
Exploring play fighting with a sexy gardener was fun for me. Yet playing out my DH Lawrence fantasy triggered someone else, and he had to leave the room. We got closer for recognising why.
Exploring play fighting with a sexy gardener was fun for me. Yet playing out my DH Lawrence fantasy triggered someone else, and he had to leave the room. We got closer for recognising why.
Red
Traffic lights work: Green - let’s go. The power of Orange to stop, check-in and readjust is phenomenal. The first time I called Red, and everything stopped, I cried for the times I hadn’t. And the time I had and was vilified.
Traffic lights work: Green - let’s go. The power of Orange to stop, check-in and readjust is phenomenal. The first time I called Red, and everything stopped, I cried for the times I hadn’t. And the time I had and was vilified.
Salvage
We rarely get the full attention, love and circumstances we need to shine. It’s easy to deny all the ways we need to be loved. What if you could really commit to asking for what you need and to bring what’s needed within a consensual container? What if we unlidded the box or lifted the magic carpet to see the salvage? What could we make of it if we weren’t so scared, cross or untrusting?
We rarely get the full attention, love and circumstances we need to shine. It’s easy to deny all the ways we need to be loved. What if you could really commit to asking for what you need and to bring what’s needed within a consensual container? What if we unlidded the box or lifted the magic carpet to see the salvage? What could we make of it if we weren’t so scared, cross or untrusting?
No
If I trust you with your boundaries, we can both relax. Let me know you can say no, make a choice, express a preference, and hear a no and not be offended.
If I trust you with your boundaries, we can both relax. Let me know you can say no, make a choice, express a preference, and hear a no and not be offended.