Cathedral
I used to love travelling alone. I was fearless. Or foolish. I used to love arriving in a foreign city with all its promise of discovery, art and difference, wandering streets, enjoying getting lost, magnificent churches, coffee and ice cream. Now I feel more anxious, and the promise of door-to-door transport feels reassuring. I still light a candle in churches.
I used to love travelling alone. I was fearless. Or foolish. I used to love arriving in a foreign city with all its promise of discovery, art and difference, wandering streets, enjoying getting lost, magnificent churches, coffee and ice cream. Now I feel more anxious, and the promise of door-to-door transport feels reassuring. I still light a candle in churches.
Miracle
My mild(ish) personality can go along with the holy plan or dharma, accepting that what is happening now is right. On the surface, at least, complaining seems pointless; who to and what for? Railing against god, telling them they’ve got it wrong, that I’m too special to have breast cancer? That’s not going to go down well and change anything, is it? Though let’s not rule miracles out.
My mild(ish) personality can go along with the holy plan or dharma, accepting that what is happening now is right. On the surface, at least, complaining seems pointless; who to and what for? Railing against god, telling them they’ve got it wrong, that I’m too special to have breast cancer? That’s not going to go down well and change anything, is it? Though let’s not rule miracles out.
Irony
There’s an irony in wanting change but not wanting to change. Whether it’s lack of direction or example, fear, rigidity or inertia, it’s still wanting everyone else to change to suit your ways. Admitting you don't want change at all would be more honest. Sadly, that’s impossible. Liking what you know is easy, but it’s limited. Broadening your repertoire might surprise you and delight others.
There’s an irony in wanting change but not wanting to change. Whether it’s lack of direction or example, fear, rigidity or inertia, it’s still wanting everyone else to change to suit your ways. Admitting you don't want change at all would be more honest. Sadly, that’s impossible. Liking what you know is easy, but it’s limited. Broadening your repertoire might surprise you and delight others.
Genius
Recently, someone introduced their partner as my ‘wife-husband’. Genius. Another thing I didn’t know I was looking for till I heard it named. I admire how that combines pillars of conformity into a non-conforming essence. Sign me up.
Recently, someone introduced their partner as my ‘wife-husband’. Genius. Another thing I didn’t know I was looking for till I heard it named. I admire how that combines pillars of conformity into a non-conforming essence. Sign me up.
Greatness
I went to a wedding in Corfu, and what was tender for me in the vows was the promise of both commitment and freedom. I also loved how impressed each of them was with the greatness of the other, combining to make a project happen together that neither could have achieved alone. It beats listening to each other’s inner child. Though vulnerability may be essential, it’s not the first thing I want to know.
I went to a wedding in Corfu, and what was tender for me in the vows was the promise of both commitment and freedom. I also loved how impressed each of them was with the greatness of the other, combining to make a project happen together that neither could have achieved alone. It beats listening to each other’s inner child. Though vulnerability may be essential, it’s not the first thing I want to know.
Support
There are different forms of support; be sure to ask for the one that really helps. Do you want permission to follow, or stop a course of action, or practical help with a task? Or someone to advocate for you - to be biased and vocal, on your side. Or keep you company, or witness you to help make something real? Or a sounding board, offering new perspectives to pull you out of a loop? Asking for what you need is specific, as are the people who could help you. Choose well and ask clearly, as otherwise frustration is likely.
There are different forms of support; be sure to ask for the one that really helps. Do you want permission to follow, or stop a course of action, or practical help with a task? Or someone to advocate for you - to be biased and vocal, on your side. Or keep you company, or witness you to help make something real? Or a sounding board, offering new perspectives to pull you out of a loop? Asking for what you need is specific, as are the people who could help you. Choose well and ask clearly, as otherwise frustration is likely.
Yawn
How do we stop cis heterosexual men taking up all the space: in conversation, in convention, in that assuredness that their way is the best? How do we proceed around manspreading, or the natural leadership of privilege taken before it’s a given? There’s got to be a willingness to step back, to see that others having power changes the narrative. No one wants boring mansplaining anymore, so quit as soon as you hear agreement or once you hear no. Further detail, persuasion or justification is an annoying yawn.
How do we stop cis heterosexual men taking up all the space: in conversation, in convention, in that assuredness that their way is the best? How do we proceed around manspreading, or the natural leadership of privilege taken before it’s a given? There’s got to be a willingness to step back, to see that others having power changes the narrative. No one wants boring mansplaining anymore, so quit as soon as you hear agreement or once you hear no. Further detail, persuasion or justification is an annoying yawn.
Worship
So I tried foot worshipping. Wow. Who’d have thought that nylons would be such a turn-on. It may be a cliché about women in nylons and heels, but I loved the feminine power of dressing up. And standing above, then on, someone’s nipples and genitals. No hurt intended. I also felt the mesmerising power of lying on the floor looking up at my partner, their cock encased nicely in nylon, pressing their foot between my legs, demanding my attention.
So I tried foot worshipping. Wow. Who’d have thought that nylons would be such a turn-on. It may be a cliché about women in nylons and heels, but I loved the feminine power of dressing up. And standing above, then on, someone’s nipples and genitals. No hurt intended. I also felt the mesmerising power of lying on the floor looking up at my partner, their cock encased nicely in nylon, pressing their foot between my legs, demanding my attention.
Initiate
As an Initiate, I wanted to please my Magistere. I wanted to do well, to be praised, to be noticed, to be tested. Swapping roles, as a Queen I wanted to be obeyed, to bring my servant close, then to dismiss them at whim. I’m intrigued by the harsh push-pull of love and cruelty.
As an Initiate, I wanted to please my Magistere. I wanted to do well, to be praised, to be noticed, to be tested. Swapping roles, as a Queen I wanted to be obeyed, to bring my servant close, then to dismiss them at whim. I’m intrigued by the harsh push-pull of love and cruelty.
Babygirl
Taking a shamanic journey to find out which of my submissive qualities are hiding, the imaginary temple guardian I met whispered ‘Baby Girl’. As long as you don’t ask me to drink a glass of milk, which I might spit at you, I’m willing for the love, nurture and pleasure that I discovered submission offers. Offending all my prejudices, I have new realms to explore.
Taking a shamanic journey to find out which of my submissive qualities are hiding, the imaginary temple guardian I met whispered ‘Baby Girl’. As long as you don’t ask me to drink a glass of milk, which I might spit at you, I’m willing for the love, nurture and pleasure that I discovered submission offers. Offending all my prejudices, I have new realms to explore.
Overthink
Overthinking is alluring, weighing up plusses and minuses in one's head. Stop that. Has that ever produced a workable, clear solution? Or has trusting your instinct been more reliable? If you leave things long enough, a solution appears. Can you be patient enough for that? Either beat rumination, which is a compelling attention thief.
Overthinking is alluring, weighing up plusses and minuses in one's head. Stop that. Has that ever produced a workable, clear solution? Or has trusting your instinct been more reliable? If you leave things long enough, a solution appears. Can you be patient enough for that? Either beat rumination, which is a compelling attention thief.
Doom
I get frustrated when I’m faced with walls of negativity, complaining and doom-mongering. What you focus on will grow. If you want a half-empty glass, it’s all yours. All yours.
I get frustrated when I’m faced with walls of negativity, complaining and doom-mongering. What you focus on will grow. If you want a half-empty glass, it’s all yours. All yours.
Reinvention
Reinvention is tiring. I feel like I’ve done it every decade. What I’m curious about now is how it might emerge naturally.
Reinvention is tiring. I feel like I’ve done it every decade. What I’m curious about now is how it might emerge naturally.
Goat
“Safe travels.” “Stay safe out there.” Grr. I know folx mean well, but the times I’ve travelled in the back of trucks across Indonesian islands with goats and sprouting palms, with simply my passport for ID, were some of the most exhilarating moments of freedom of my life. So I’d prefer it if you wished me a wonderful time. I mean, what unsafe thing do you think is going to happen on a flight? I don’t get the Kit Kat I wanted? This dreary trope of ‘stay safe’ is based on a lack of trust and unconsidered fear. Please take calculated risks. That’s how you grow, get brave, and experience a boldness that’s more powerful than playing it safe.
“Safe travels.” “Stay safe out there.” Grr. I know folx mean well, but the times I’ve travelled in the back of trucks across Indonesian islands with goats and sprouting palms, with simply my passport for ID, were some of the most exhilarating moments of freedom of my life. So I’d prefer it if you wished me a wonderful time. I mean, what unsafe thing do you think is going to happen on a flight? I don’t get the Kit Kat I wanted? This dreary trope of ‘stay safe’ is based on a lack of trust and unconsidered fear. Please take calculated risks. That’s how you grow, get brave, and experience a boldness that’s more powerful than playing it safe.
Service
I think it’s fair to say I have few of the qualities of a spiritual BnB host. Instead of offering fluffy towels and a healthy yogic breakfast before meditation class, my friends have often been asked to fold laundry or fix things. Acts of service is a love language I understand.
I think it’s fair to say I have few of the qualities of a spiritual BnB host. Instead of offering fluffy towels and a healthy yogic breakfast before meditation class, my friends have often been asked to fold laundry or fix things. Acts of service is a love language I understand.
Taxi
In the lost and open days when I felt alone or scared, I’d remember ‘I chose this’. I always have money for taxis. The alone bit was part of the choice.
In the lost and open days when I felt alone or scared, I’d remember ‘I chose this’. I always have money for taxis. The alone bit was part of the choice.