Taxi
In the lost and open days when I felt alone or scared, I’d remember ‘I chose this’. I always have money for taxis. The alone bit was part of the choice.
In the lost and open days when I felt alone or scared, I’d remember ‘I chose this’. I always have money for taxis. The alone bit was part of the choice.
Airport
I used to have a fantasy about getting picked up at an airport or having an erotic encounter on a plane. There’s nothing like arriving at the airport to signal the end of the dream.
I used to have a fantasy about getting picked up at an airport or having an erotic encounter on a plane. There’s nothing like arriving at the airport to signal the end of the dream.
Duty
A new healer told me to let go of duty, self-control, ambition and independence. To allow the vulnerable and intuitive parts of me to come to the fore.
A new healer told me to let go of duty, self-control, ambition and independence. To allow the vulnerable and intuitive parts of me to come to the fore.
Shoot
How do I stop making life difficult when it can be easier? If I were to shoot big, would it be any easier? If not starting is the main reason for failing, dare I begin again with painting and pitching, both of which feel out of reach?
How do I stop making life difficult when it can be easier? If I were to shoot big, would it be any easier? If not starting is the main reason for failing, dare I begin again with painting and pitching, both of which feel out of reach?
Limit
It takes a lot to get free of conditioning. One day I’ll write down all the things I did, all the books that changed me, and all the old beliefs I had to stop believing to expand possibility. Yet I still limit myself.
It takes a lot to get free of conditioning. One day I’ll write down all the things I did, all the books that changed me, and all the old beliefs I had to stop believing to expand possibility. Yet I still limit myself.
Worship
I don’t want to be worshipped. The word has a connotation, reminding me of a client who used it as code, hedging and hinting instead of asking about oral sex. The answer was no when he finally came clean. I’m also uncomfortable with one-sided declarations of worship. I feel something is required of me, some reciprocity I don’t feel. Equality matters to me. I’ve enjoyed and valued relationships more where I’ve been the one who adored. Yet one wise advisor says, “Try it. It's generous to allow it.” ‘Try it’ is what I say to others: “go into the thing that scares you.” So why am I worried about worship? Maybe I’ll try it at the next kink workshop? Though trampling on someone has more of an appeal.
I don’t want to be worshipped. The word has a connotation, reminding me of a client who used it as code, hedging and hinting instead of asking about oral sex. The answer was no when he finally came clean. I’m also uncomfortable with one-sided declarations of worship. I feel something is required of me, some reciprocity I don’t feel. Equality matters to me. I’ve enjoyed and valued relationships more where I’ve been the one who adored. Yet one wise advisor says, “Try it. It's generous to allow it.” ‘Try it’ is what I say to others: “go into the thing that scares you.” So why am I worried about worship? Maybe I’ll try it at the next kink workshop? Though trampling on someone has more of an appeal.
Telepathy
Telepathy doesn’t work. If you want something, please ask. I see so many folx who can’t be straightforward, which leads to second-guessing, making up stories and walking on eggshells. It’s a form of insecurity matched with dishonesty, relying on others to guess or offer. It’s exhausting. I’m often going to fail in that game, as I didn't get the memo on people-pleasing. It’s a joy and relief to have clear conversations with humans who have done a lot of inner work. We can work out if we can help each other and create opportunities. Without the need for telepathy.
Telepathy doesn’t work. If you want something, please ask. I see so many folx who can’t be straightforward, which leads to second-guessing, making up stories and walking on eggshells. It’s a form of insecurity matched with dishonesty, relying on others to guess or offer. It’s exhausting. I’m often going to fail in that game, as I didn't get the memo on people-pleasing. It’s a joy and relief to have clear conversations with humans who have done a lot of inner work. We can work out if we can help each other and create opportunities. Without the need for telepathy.
Innervate
Playing The Money Game at a Tantra workshop was innervating. I turned up not knowing how much cash I’d brought exactly but knowing it was a significant amount to lose. During the game, I saw money like the tide, coming in, going out. My stash had already dwindled, taken by other women who saw me as excessive and frivolous. That was in the days when I had a well-paying job and a penchant for expensive cosmetics and clothes. I panicked at the tide going out, taking small piles of cash from the two women on either side of me. Taking part in that game gave me food for thought for years as it played out in different circumstances. I still like easy wins.
Playing The Money Game at a Tantra workshop was innervating. I turned up not knowing how much cash I’d brought exactly but knowing it was a significant amount to lose. During the game, I saw money like the tide, coming in, going out. My stash had already dwindled, taken by other women who saw me as excessive and frivolous. That was in the days when I had a well-paying job and a penchant for expensive cosmetics and clothes. I panicked at the tide going out, taking small piles of cash from the two women on either side of me. Taking part in that game gave me food for thought for years as it played out in different circumstances. I still like easy wins.
Soul
The people I know who are following their soul are relaxed and open. Being unhappy makes us brittle, regretful, resentful and opinionated. What does it take to bridge the gap and make the changes? Setting off helps.
The people I know who are following their soul are relaxed and open. Being unhappy makes us brittle, regretful, resentful and opinionated. What does it take to bridge the gap and make the changes? Setting off helps.
Harbour
If straight women are tired of mankeeping and are no longer willing to be the safe harbour, where do we go as the basis of understanding relationships? I’m not saying that’s all there is to relationships either. Having a safe harbour is a wonderful place to rest for everyone.
If straight women are tired of mankeeping and are no longer willing to be the safe harbour, where do we go as the basis of understanding relationships? I’m not saying that’s all there is to relationships either. Having a safe harbour is a wonderful place to rest for everyone.
Potential
I have colleagues who, from an early age, knew the power and potential of sex and who became great practitioners and have a gift to share, yet have often felt underappreciated. Coming much later into this realm, I’m envious and grateful for what I missed, and what I discovered.
I have colleagues who, from an early age, knew the power and potential of sex and who became great practitioners and have a gift to share, yet have often felt underappreciated. Coming much later into this realm, I’m envious and grateful for what I missed, and what I discovered.
Charisma
There are some people who’re all charisma and chaos. Captivating initially, then fail to follow through on any of their initial promise. It’s easy to be beguiled. And disappointed.
There are some people who’re all charisma and chaos. Captivating initially, then fail to follow through on any of their initial promise. It’s easy to be beguiled. And disappointed.
Button
I spent time at an exhibition by the conceptual Chinese dissident artist, Ai Weiwei. From a wall of bombs made out of Lego, flags made from buttons, to a boat of refugees entirely made of rubber from the small, flimsy vessels, the scale of his ideas and output is ravenous and huge. A few weeks ago I’d seen him in a segment of performance art, where he reenacted 81 days in detention in 24 hrs. It was mesmerising seeing him take power from the two Chinese guards assigned to watch closely over him, to see them march him the length of his cell. Who was in prison? All of them, but only he had the freedom of thought. Incredible.
I spent time at an exhibition by the conceptual Chinese dissident artist, Ai Weiwei. From a wall of bombs made out of Lego, flags made from buttons, to a boat of refugees entirely made of rubber from the small, flimsy vessels, the scale of his ideas and output is ravenous and huge. A few weeks ago I’d seen him in a segment of performance art, where he reenacted 81 days in detention in 24 hrs. It was mesmerising seeing him take power from the two Chinese guards assigned to watch closely over him, to see them march him the length of his cell. Who was in prison? All of them, but only he had the freedom of thought. Incredible.
Prissy
It’s prissy and perfectionist to want to be good and right. You don’t get to hold the moral high ground anyway. No one cares what you think. Go out and live a little imperfectly, and then see what’s more human and fun.
It’s prissy and perfectionist to want to be good and right. You don’t get to hold the moral high ground anyway. No one cares what you think. Go out and live a little imperfectly, and then see what’s more human and fun.
Extravagance
I miss extravagance and luxury sometimes.
I miss extravagance and luxury sometimes.
Unfair
“It’s unfair”. Is what I sometimes want to rail about in my moments of outrage. And “Why me?” Yep, you’re right. It is unfair. It’s unfair that I get to be so privileged, to be born in the global north, that I get to live this lifetime, to have had free education and to have access to health care. Getting over myself is a daily occurrence.
“It’s unfair”. Is what I sometimes want to rail about in my moments of outrage. And “Why me?” Yep, you’re right. It is unfair. It’s unfair that I get to be so privileged, to be born in the global north, that I get to live this lifetime, to have had free education and to have access to health care. Getting over myself is a daily occurrence.