Secrets
I grew up with secrets. I became good at them myself. A hidden liaison permeated my teenage upbringing. Later, I was a secret mistress to someone for 5 years. Avoidance and secrets were easy until my first yoga teacher remarked, “the truth is obviously very important to you”.
I grew up with secrets. I became good at them myself. A hidden liaison permeated my teenage upbringing. Later, I was a secret mistress to someone for 5 years. Avoidance and secrets were easy until my first yoga teacher remarked, “the truth is obviously very important to you”.
Practice
I used to love my early Tantra days when, between workshops, I’d meet up with other participants and practice the structures we’d learned. Whether that was something as simple as eye gazing, or practising pleasure island, massage, or healing in groups, the gradual trust in time-limited meetings that weren’t a fast track to becoming relationships allowed each of us to grow in touch, experience, and expectation. Reducing the chatter of projection, there was a clarity and purpose to the meetings, and bonding beyond the usual.
I used to love my early Tantra days when, between workshops, I’d meet up with other participants and practice the structures we’d learned. Whether that was something as simple as eye gazing, or practising pleasure island, massage, or healing in groups, the gradual trust in time-limited meetings that weren’t a fast track to becoming relationships allowed each of us to grow in touch, experience, and expectation. Reducing the chatter of projection, there was a clarity and purpose to the meetings, and bonding beyond the usual.
Compromise
Not compromising oneself for love is hard. I wonder if at least acknowledging where we do, without rancour, allows genuine generosity and expansiveness rather than martyrdom? Setting aside one’s own preferences is a gift when it’s done with a full heart.
Not compromising oneself for love is hard. I wonder if at least acknowledging where we do, without rancour, allows genuine generosity and expansiveness rather than martyrdom? Setting aside one’s own preferences is a gift when it’s done with a full heart.
Content
In a world of harshness, how do we promote personal kindness? Challenging the big-swinging-dick culture of zillionaire oneupmanship, how do we break free from the prevailing competitive system, being content to make our small, essential contribution to the collective good? Finding an internal validation matters, letting that be enough to sustain our hope and forward motion. I don’t have easy answers, it’s a decision every day.
In a world of harshness, how do we promote personal kindness? Challenging the big-swinging-dick culture of zillionaire oneupmanship, how do we break free from the prevailing competitive system, being content to make our small, essential contribution to the collective good? Finding an internal validation matters, letting that be enough to sustain our hope and forward motion. I don’t have easy answers, it’s a decision every day.
Warmth
If subtlety has as much value as intensity, how do I appreciate it? After a lifetime of enjoying the rush of risk and, to some extent, the uncertainty of excitement, it’s time, really time, to value quieter experiences. How that translates to intimacy is new ground. Conditioned to seek the wow, how do we feel able to enjoy the wisdom of refinement? With aging and absence, there’s a wish for warmth rather than heat. How to be met in that, without apologising for, or excusing is a reinvention of relationship expectations. Believing that, savouring, slowing down, and sensuality become the new anticipation.
If subtlety has as much value as intensity, how do I appreciate it? After a lifetime of enjoying the rush of risk and, to some extent, the uncertainty of excitement, it’s time, really time, to value quieter experiences. How that translates to intimacy is new ground. Conditioned to seek the wow, how do we feel able to enjoy the wisdom of refinement? With aging and absence, there’s a wish for warmth rather than heat. How to be met in that, without apologising for, or excusing is a reinvention of relationship expectations. Believing that, savouring, slowing down, and sensuality become the new anticipation.
Ephemeral
I’m a fan of equanimity. If I don’t ‘feel all the feelings’, does that make me shallow, numb or not fully living? Not at all. It means not getting jerked around by ephemerality. I’ll live with the emotional middle ground until necessary, choose to stay grounded and deal with whatever comes up. I’m learning to value the distance in detachment.
I’m a fan of equanimity. If I don’t ‘feel all the feelings’, does that make me shallow, numb or not fully living? Not at all. It means not getting jerked around by ephemerality. I’ll live with the emotional middle ground until necessary, choose to stay grounded and deal with whatever comes up. I’m learning to value the distance in detachment.
Betterment
I didn’t get the memo early on that the dark and difficult are as essential as the easy and light. I thought life was a one way trip to betterment. Dark times show the scope for both acceptance and change. Now the easier times feel like a blessing.
I didn’t get the memo early on that the dark and difficult are as essential as the easy and light. I thought life was a one way trip to betterment. Dark times show the scope for both acceptance and change. Now the easier times feel like a blessing.
Alongside
I love days of deciding moment to moment what to do. A rare day without a plan, meeting or list. Waiting for an impulse or a want to arise. Enjoying the space of time on my hands rather than mistaking it for boredom or inertia. A chance for spontaneous possibility, following my instincts and inspiration, allowing freedom, trust and permission to arise alongside
I love days of deciding moment to moment what to do. A rare day without a plan, meeting or list. Waiting for an impulse or a want to arise. Enjoying the space of time on my hands rather than mistaking it for boredom or inertia. A chance for spontaneous possibility, following my instincts and inspiration, allowing freedom, trust and permission to arise alongside
Bubble
Self care is a phrase I can spell, yet have little concept of. Maybe I should try a bubble bath. In my previous cash-rich corporate days, I used to love spending a small fortune on beautifully packaged products and cosmetics in Space NK. Now I haven’t brushed my hair for years, perfume no longer appeals, the cleanse, tone and moisturise routine of old is haphazard to non-existent. Somehow the love of a decent red lipstick sustains. While I’m not sure putting red lipstick on counts as self care, it’s a start.
Self care is a phrase I can spell, yet have little concept of. Maybe I should try a bubble bath. In my previous cash-rich corporate days, I used to love spending a small fortune on beautifully packaged products and cosmetics in Space NK. Now I haven’t brushed my hair for years, perfume no longer appeals, the cleanse, tone and moisturise routine of old is haphazard to non-existent. Somehow the love of a decent red lipstick sustains. While I’m not sure putting red lipstick on counts as self care, it’s a start.
Notebooks
There’s a slight guilty pleasure of having the house to myself. I can mess up the table with my notebooks, have the cups colour-coordinated. I’m discovering the guilty pleasure of lighting the fire and candles in the early dark, lying on the sofa, reading a vast Indian novel full of sadness, longing, palm trees, and obstacles to love. Quiet solitude, restored and however short-lived, feels like a welcome return.
There’s a slight guilty pleasure of having the house to myself. I can mess up the table with my notebooks, have the cups colour-coordinated. I’m discovering the guilty pleasure of lighting the fire and candles in the early dark, lying on the sofa, reading a vast Indian novel full of sadness, longing, palm trees, and obstacles to love. Quiet solitude, restored and however short-lived, feels like a welcome return.
First
I see The Sex Lectures and Mandala House as essentially the same. Someone had to go first. Yet they came out of what I needed or long wanted. It hasn’t taken much courage, but felt natural. Watching obstacles disappear has been extraordinary, synchronicity snapping the laws of probability?
I see The Sex Lectures and Mandala House as essentially the same. Someone had to go first. Yet they came out of what I needed or long wanted. It hasn’t taken much courage, but felt natural. Watching obstacles disappear has been extraordinary, synchronicity snapping the laws of probability?
Lane
Staying in one’s own lane is an energy saver. While still acting to effect changes in our own lives, for the causes we can contribute to. With the energy you have, how do you want to use it? Not exactly ‘let them’, but I’m going over here instead. It’s too easy to feel powerless and helpless in the face of cruelty and stupidity on a global scale.
Staying in one’s own lane is an energy saver. While still acting to effect changes in our own lives, for the causes we can contribute to. With the energy you have, how do you want to use it? Not exactly ‘let them’, but I’m going over here instead. It’s too easy to feel powerless and helpless in the face of cruelty and stupidity on a global scale.
Preconceptions
I’m obsessed with the Enneagram. So I see the world through personality rather than gender. Trying not to know you before I know you is a challenge.
I’m obsessed with the Enneagram. So I see the world through personality rather than gender. Trying not to know you before I know you is a challenge.
Hun
There’s much I don’t like about modern marketing, though that’s an essay rather than a paragraph. Today’s grouch is against overuse of terms of endearment. Hun, lovely, darlings, babe, mate, sweetheart to list but a few. Although irksome to read, with the exception of mate, I do like hearing them. In Greece it’s Agape Mou or My Love. I’m more aloof. You have to be in my inner circle to be called darling. I’ve no idea what I’d call a lover anymore. Definitely not hun, it reminds me too much of the time-wasters from my tantric massage days.
There’s much I don’t like about modern marketing, though that’s an essay rather than a paragraph. Today’s grouch is against overuse of terms of endearment. Hun, lovely, darlings, babe, mate, sweetheart to list but a few. Although irksome to read, with the exception of mate, I do like hearing them. In Greece it’s Agape Mou or My Love. I’m more aloof. You have to be in my inner circle to be called darling. I’ve no idea what I’d call a lover anymore. Definitely not hun, it reminds me too much of the time-wasters from my tantric massage days.
Mechanics
The body isn’t a machine like a motorbike. It’s not a question of twiddling this or loosening that, pressing a button to go faster or working out where the spark plugs are. On the receiving end of a mechanical mind, there’s a feeling of someone revving through options, their mind on engineering rather than love or connection. It can be effective and orgasmic if the right buttons are pressed, yet a bit ‘job done’ as they figuratively wipe hands and down tools onto the next.
The body isn’t a machine like a motorbike. It’s not a question of twiddling this or loosening that, pressing a button to go faster or working out where the spark plugs are. On the receiving end of a mechanical mind, there’s a feeling of someone revving through options, their mind on engineering rather than love or connection. It can be effective and orgasmic if the right buttons are pressed, yet a bit ‘job done’ as they figuratively wipe hands and down tools onto the next.
Uncertainties
Being good with not knowing feels like a diplomatic practice. ‘I don’t know’, ‘we don’t know’, ‘no one knows’ allows uncertainty. Surety is elusive, planning ahead often ineffective; looking round corners that may not exist is exhausting. Learning to respond rather than demand, hold the creative tension, to stay calm rather than expect calamity, are qualities worth cultivating. All the while making little steps to creating the conditions to make better outcomes possible.
Being good with not knowing feels like a diplomatic practice. ‘I don’t know’, ‘we don’t know’, ‘no one knows’ allows uncertainty. Surety is elusive, planning ahead often ineffective; looking round corners that may not exist is exhausting. Learning to respond rather than demand, hold the creative tension, to stay calm rather than expect calamity, are qualities worth cultivating. All the while making little steps to creating the conditions to make better outcomes possible.
Unfair
It’s wondrous to think you’ve manifested when you have what you want. What about when Big Sky sugar daddy withholds what you want and makes you beg? When you're on your knees, and you didn’t want to have manifested the mess around you, debt, broken relationships and another falling out with your mother. Oh dear. Not looking too clever now, are they all those letters to the universe, the healing, magic, meditations or new and full moon intentions? Manifestation works both ways, and perhaps not at all, as it is inherently tied to a capitalist system of unfair privilege. Ignore the oppressive mantra that we can be anything or manifest anything. Dharma takes precedence.
It’s wondrous to think you’ve manifested when you have what you want. What about when Big Sky sugar daddy withholds what you want and makes you beg? When you're on your knees, and you didn’t want to have manifested the mess around you, debt, broken relationships and another falling out with your mother. Oh dear. Not looking too clever now, are they all those letters to the universe, the healing, magic, meditations or new and full moon intentions? Manifestation works both ways, and perhaps not at all, as it is inherently tied to a capitalist system of unfair privilege. Ignore the oppressive mantra that we can be anything or manifest anything. Dharma takes precedence.
Trust
Trust is a decision. In yourself, in life, in others. Yes, people may disappoint you. Yes, you’ll be naive or fail to have strong enough boundaries, and yes, there’ll be inevitable life blows. Yet a trust in inherent goodness makes life more optimistic than the alternative of refusing to trust. It’s up to you.
Trust is a decision. In yourself, in life, in others. Yes, people may disappoint you. Yes, you’ll be naive or fail to have strong enough boundaries, and yes, there’ll be inevitable life blows. Yet a trust in inherent goodness makes life more optimistic than the alternative of refusing to trust. It’s up to you.