Unfair
“It’s unfair”. Is what I sometimes want to rail about in my moments of outrage. And “Why me?” Yep, you’re right. It is unfair. It’s unfair that I get to be so privileged, to be born in the global north, that I get to live this lifetime, to have had free education and to have access to health care. Getting over myself is a daily occurrence.
“It’s unfair”. Is what I sometimes want to rail about in my moments of outrage. And “Why me?” Yep, you’re right. It is unfair. It’s unfair that I get to be so privileged, to be born in the global north, that I get to live this lifetime, to have had free education and to have access to health care. Getting over myself is a daily occurrence.
Possessiveness
There’s a difference between jealousy and possessiveness. I’ve been accused of the first while admitting to the second. Jealousy is based on anxiety & anger. Possessiveness is wanting what seems to be yours.
There’s a difference between jealousy and possessiveness. I’ve been accused of the first while admitting to the second. Jealousy is based on anxiety & anger. Possessiveness is wanting what seems to be yours.
Unfold
One of the great things about saying ‘I don’t know’ in response to questions that previously required planning is how well it’s received and how I receive it from others. That’s been a good surprise, and built trust in life, each other and the unfolding.
One of the great things about saying ‘I don’t know’ in response to questions that previously required planning is how well it’s received and how I receive it from others. That’s been a good surprise, and built trust in life, each other and the unfolding.
Modicum
If freedom is something you take, and it’s much greater than you could ever imagine, what’s today’s modicum? Go on. Take it. Maybe no one will even notice. Apart from you.
If freedom is something you take, and it’s much greater than you could ever imagine, what’s today’s modicum? Go on. Take it. Maybe no one will even notice. Apart from you.
Effervescence
The so-called compliment I least like is to be called bubbly. You’re missing the depth underneath the effervescence. So am I.
The so-called compliment I least like is to be called bubbly. You’re missing the depth underneath the effervescence. So am I.
Dirty
It is a sickening moment when we accept we contributed to our own predicament. That on some level we created the conditions for our suffering, with everything we agreed to that we might have been wiser to have said no to. All the times we turned down the chances for joy or freedom. I’m having to go through that with cancer. At first I didn’t want to talk about it at all. Now I’m open to insights about why cancer chose to live in me. It may be as simple as inheriting dirty genes. Or is it karma and ego, stress or environmental pollutants? Or no reason at all. It feels like there’s an out-of-reach aha moment of cause and effect. Though when I talk to my tumour cells they say it’s a fair fight if I try to zap them. They’re cells programmed to harm. It’s not personal.
It is a sickening moment when we accept we contributed to our own predicament. That on some level we created the conditions for our suffering, with everything we agreed to that we might have been wiser to have said no to. All the times we turned down the chances for joy or freedom. I’m having to go through that with cancer. At first I didn’t want to talk about it at all. Now I’m open to insights about why cancer chose to live in me. It may be as simple as inheriting dirty genes. Or is it karma and ego, stress or environmental pollutants? Or no reason at all. It feels like there’s an out-of-reach aha moment of cause and effect. Though when I talk to my tumour cells they say it’s a fair fight if I try to zap them. They’re cells programmed to harm. It’s not personal.
Trample
Admitting there are some people with stronger personalities than us, who trampled on our dreams and didn’t take our sensitivities into consideration, yet we stayed with them, is really tough. There’s an unspoken shame around that time of being a doormat. Few people are truly narcissists, though it’s a word that’s often bandied around for people who don’t do what we hope or assume. I’ve been attracted to strong, charming, seductive personalities and crushed by them. People might say the same about me. I’ve contributed to a fair amount of my own suffering by making impulsive choices, attracting people who ultimately wanted to walk different paths. I don’t want to call them toxic relationships as they were part of life’s lessons, a place where I learned I had limits, or to walk away. I learned slowly where I was too demanding for someone else’s emotional interest or capacity, and where I needed to learn about my own power. So it was up to me to get wise about my awful attractions. To stop seeking love in places it’s unlikely to be offered.
Admitting there are some people with stronger personalities than us, who trampled on our dreams and didn’t take our sensitivities into consideration, yet we stayed with them, is really tough. There’s an unspoken shame around that time of being a doormat. Few people are truly narcissists, though it’s a word that’s often bandied around for people who don’t do what we hope or assume. I’ve been attracted to strong, charming, seductive personalities and crushed by them. People might say the same about me. I’ve contributed to a fair amount of my own suffering by making impulsive choices, attracting people who ultimately wanted to walk different paths. I don’t want to call them toxic relationships as they were part of life’s lessons, a place where I learned I had limits, or to walk away. I learned slowly where I was too demanding for someone else’s emotional interest or capacity, and where I needed to learn about my own power. So it was up to me to get wise about my awful attractions. To stop seeking love in places it’s unlikely to be offered.
Show
Instead of virtue signalling, just do the thing you care about. Show not tell. I probably wouldn’t get the language of virtue signalling right anyway, so it’s easier to live it than shout about it. I feel strongly about using venues with gender neutral toilets and queer staff. I feel strongly about not wasting my energy on people, work and places where I’m misunderstood. Walking towards and away from are powerful yet simple choices once we have the courage.
Instead of virtue signalling, just do the thing you care about. Show not tell. I probably wouldn’t get the language of virtue signalling right anyway, so it’s easier to live it than shout about it. I feel strongly about using venues with gender neutral toilets and queer staff. I feel strongly about not wasting my energy on people, work and places where I’m misunderstood. Walking towards and away from are powerful yet simple choices once we have the courage.
Disrupt
How do we disrupt social norms? How are we inspired to do the unexpected? To create beauty and creativity, or whatever you want, in the face of existential despair, or going along with capitalist or social media stupidity? I don’t know exactly, but it’s a question I ask myself frequently.
How do we disrupt social norms? How are we inspired to do the unexpected? To create beauty and creativity, or whatever you want, in the face of existential despair, or going along with capitalist or social media stupidity? I don’t know exactly, but it’s a question I ask myself frequently.
String
Strings that we’re not aware of may be attached to deals. It’s in having the conversation that makes the strings visible, which allows us to really understand what’s actually on offer, the cost of it, and what the other person wants in return. Then, saying no or yes to the complete deal, the agreement becomes easier to commit to.
Strings that we’re not aware of may be attached to deals. It’s in having the conversation that makes the strings visible, which allows us to really understand what’s actually on offer, the cost of it, and what the other person wants in return. Then, saying no or yes to the complete deal, the agreement becomes easier to commit to.
Quality
I enjoy asking long-term stable couples what they appreciate about each other. They like hearing the answers from each other. Invariably they’re different qualities that have helped the other feel grounded, accepted and listened to over years of togetherness. Importing qualities with gratitude and exporting with generosity.
I enjoy asking long-term stable couples what they appreciate about each other. They like hearing the answers from each other. Invariably they’re different qualities that have helped the other feel grounded, accepted and listened to over years of togetherness. Importing qualities with gratitude and exporting with generosity.
Invisible
As everyone locked down for the second time, I set off. Passing invisibly through borders, I lived life in 90-day parcels in countries that didn’t need a vaccine. As I landed in Albania, the passport officer smiled at me and said, “Sunshine is good for you”. In 3 days’ quarantine, I spent time in Sarande, where everyone was on the streets; I had a haircut and bought a cheap orange sweater that had never seen a natural fibre. In Himare I enjoyed writing every morning with black coffee, fizzy water, and spinach pie, overlooking the most brilliant green-blue sea, Corfu in the distance though the sea lanes were closed. The arrival of the summer season heralded my departure, crossing no man’s land into Greece armed with a Covid test certificate. That’s when invisibility helps.
As everyone locked down for the second time, I set off. Passing invisibly through borders, I lived life in 90-day parcels in countries that didn’t need a vaccine. As I landed in Albania, the passport officer smiled at me and said, “Sunshine is good for you”. In 3 days’ quarantine, I spent time in Sarande, where everyone was on the streets; I had a haircut and bought a cheap orange sweater that had never seen a natural fibre. In Himare I enjoyed writing every morning with black coffee, fizzy water, and spinach pie, overlooking the most brilliant green-blue sea, Corfu in the distance though the sea lanes were closed. The arrival of the summer season heralded my departure, crossing no man’s land into Greece armed with a Covid test certificate. That’s when invisibility helps.
Brag
Where does unsavoury bragging cross over with the self-love brigade? Seriously, I don’t care what you’re wearing, drinking, or hanging out, I don’t care how great you think you are. I only see emptiness underneath the boasting.
Where does unsavoury bragging cross over with the self-love brigade? Seriously, I don’t care what you’re wearing, drinking, or hanging out, I don’t care how great you think you are. I only see emptiness underneath the boasting.
Record
A friend saying “You’re like a stuck record,” was one of the wake up calls to my complaining about the man I would have been wise to leave a few years before I did. I was hurt but she was right.
A friend saying “You’re like a stuck record,” was one of the wake up calls to my complaining about the man I would have been wise to leave a few years before I did. I was hurt but she was right.
Ally
Do you know how you are a pain in the ass? How nerdy, needy, neurotic or self-sacrificing you are? How demanding, complaining, impatient, intolerant? How bossy, bitchy, dishonest, negligent or know-it-all? And also how tired you are, how scared you are, how disappointed? How you are doing your best with what you’ve got. Do you remember how perfectly human you are? Being one’s own ally, in the multitude of goodnesses and badnesses in the wholeness that is you, might be your best option.
Do you know how you are a pain in the ass? How nerdy, needy, neurotic or self-sacrificing you are? How demanding, complaining, impatient, intolerant? How bossy, bitchy, dishonest, negligent or know-it-all? And also how tired you are, how scared you are, how disappointed? How you are doing your best with what you’ve got. Do you remember how perfectly human you are? Being one’s own ally, in the multitude of goodnesses and badnesses in the wholeness that is you, might be your best option.
Scared
I’m scared of so many things. Drunks and heroin users on the streets of Manchester, painful sex, being trapped in a dull relationship, unwanted debt, being dependent, outstaying my welcome, having to look after my ageing mother or her husband. I suppose they’re common fears. Admitting them is scary. Before facing them. That takes tolerance.
I’m scared of so many things. Drunks and heroin users on the streets of Manchester, painful sex, being trapped in a dull relationship, unwanted debt, being dependent, outstaying my welcome, having to look after my ageing mother or her husband. I suppose they’re common fears. Admitting them is scary. Before facing them. That takes tolerance.
Impatience
I’m impatient. Aren’t you? I want to know the future before it happens. Yet when I stop trying to make stuff happen, things turn out well. Can I be patient enough for mystery to unfold without meddling or grasping? Staying in my lane, focusing on what I can affect; leaving life to do life and to do me.
I’m impatient. Aren’t you? I want to know the future before it happens. Yet when I stop trying to make stuff happen, things turn out well. Can I be patient enough for mystery to unfold without meddling or grasping? Staying in my lane, focusing on what I can affect; leaving life to do life and to do me.
Ahead
I have an inner voice that says ‘We’ll see about that,’ when I’m told I can’t do or have what I want. Or there’s a given finality to a situation I’m not totally on board with yet. It’s not that I expect everything to go my way, but the part of me that doesn’t give up doesn’t like to admit defeat ahead of trying.
I have an inner voice that says ‘We’ll see about that,’ when I’m told I can’t do or have what I want. Or there’s a given finality to a situation I’m not totally on board with yet. It’s not that I expect everything to go my way, but the part of me that doesn’t give up doesn’t like to admit defeat ahead of trying.
Limited
Friends are here to remind each other to stay present, to stop fretting about things that may never happen, to keep us grounded in reality, to remind us of our possibilities and talents, and to tell us when we’re being insufferable or stuck in a story that's keeping us limited. Old friends we don't see much remind us of things we’ve forgotten, and how we've grown into fuller versions of what we were always destined to be.
Friends are here to remind each other to stay present, to stop fretting about things that may never happen, to keep us grounded in reality, to remind us of our possibilities and talents, and to tell us when we’re being insufferable or stuck in a story that's keeping us limited. Old friends we don't see much remind us of things we’ve forgotten, and how we've grown into fuller versions of what we were always destined to be.
Thrill
Direct pleasure is a thrill quite different to indirect pleasure. Both matter. Otherwise, with only access to indirect pleasure, you're dependent on someone else’s positive response for affirmation. Oh my, indirect pleasure feels good though, whether a moan or a compliment; no wonder it's easier to give than to learn to receive.
Direct pleasure is a thrill quite different to indirect pleasure. Both matter. Otherwise, with only access to indirect pleasure, you're dependent on someone else’s positive response for affirmation. Oh my, indirect pleasure feels good though, whether a moan or a compliment; no wonder it's easier to give than to learn to receive.