I see The Sex Lectures and Mandala House as essentially the same. Someone had to go first. Yet they came out of what I needed or long wanted. It hasn’t taken much courage, but felt natural. Watching obstacles disappear has been extraordinary, synchronicity snapping the laws of probability?

Staying in one’s own lane is an energy saver. While still acting to effect changes in our own lives, for the causes we can contribute to. With the energy you have, how do you want to use it? Not exactly ‘let them’, but I’m going over here instead. It’s too easy to feel powerless and helpless in the face of cruelty and stupidity on a global scale.

I’m obsessed with the Enneagram. So I see the world through personality rather than gender. Trying not to know you before I know you is a challenge.

There’s much I don’t like about modern marketing, though that’s an essay rather than a paragraph. Today’s grouch is against overuse of terms of endearment. Hun, lovely, darlings, babe, mate, sweetheart to list but a few. Although irksome to read, with  the exception of mate, I do like hearing them. In Greece it’s Agape Mou or My Love. I’m more aloof. You have to be in my inner circle to be called darling. I’ve no idea what I’d call a lover anymore. Definitely not hun, it reminds me too much of the time-wasters from my tantric massage days.

I love kicking the can down the road. It’s not really procrastination. But if I don’t have to decide now, it can wait.

The body isn’t a machine like a motorbike. It’s not a question of twiddling this or loosening that, pressing a button to go faster or working out where the spark plugs are. On the receiving end of a mechanical mind, there’s a feeling of someone revving through options, their mind on engineering rather than love or connection. It can be effective and orgasmic if the right buttons are pressed, yet a bit ‘job done’ as they figuratively wipe hands and down tools onto the next.

Being good with not knowing feels like a diplomatic practice. ‘I don’t know’, ‘we don’t know’, ‘no one knows’ allows uncertainty. Surety is elusive, planning ahead often ineffective; looking round corners that may not exist is exhausting. Learning to respond rather than demand, hold the creative tension, to stay calm rather than expect calamity, are qualities worth cultivating. All the while making little steps to creating the conditions to make better outcomes possible.

It’s wondrous to think you’ve manifested when you have what you want. What about when Big Sky sugar daddy withholds what you want and makes you beg? When you're on your knees, and you didn’t want to have manifested the mess around you, debt, broken relationships and another falling out with your mother. Oh dear. Not looking too clever now, are they all those letters to the universe, the healing, magic, meditations or new and full moon intentions? Manifestation works both ways, and perhaps not at all, as it is inherently tied to a capitalist system of unfair privilege. Ignore the oppressive mantra that we can be anything or manifest anything. Dharma takes precedence.

Trust is a decision. In yourself, in life, in others. Yes, people may disappoint you. Yes, you’ll be naive or fail to have strong enough boundaries, and yes, there’ll be inevitable life blows. Yet a trust in inherent goodness makes life more optimistic than the alternative of refusing to trust. It’s up to you.

Gosh I’m bored of my inner voice that loves to complain. "This isn’t good enough, that’s not right, I’m cold, I'm tired, I’m scared.” Without brightsiding, I don’t want to ruin my own existence with pettiness, cynicism or fear. I heard my inner critic complaining loudly while doing a rare-for-me-yoga class, on a deck overlooking a beautiful bay. Seriously, how ungrateful? Ungrateful, pointless and relentless. It’s a mission to change mindset. To find peace in the gap between how I might wish me or the world to be and how it is, and to see and accept that.

Entering the temple, walking slowly in warmth and candlelight, we were invited to stand opposite another. In Heaven we were asked to take it in turns to be God or one of God's new creations. To be God’s newly living creature was to feel the dedication, care and wonder, coming into being. The reverence of playing God, touching my new creation with tenderness and awe. Pure love for strangers emerges in settings as soft as this.

It takes courage to exist, to put our heads above the parapet to share what we know, express what we believe, and put our ideas out into the world. What’s worse - the risk of failure, financial jeopardy or feeling futile? They’re all awful. It takes bravery to be aware and honest about who you are, to be generous with your capability and vulnerability.

Let’s have some deep fun and learning with power dynamics. They’re unconsciously here already. How do we play, and put them to use in the service of alleviating dull routines? How can you introduce the kinky-quicky into domesticity or banality? What skills and suggestions could you make, to switch a situation from boring to revealing, from ordinary to extraordinary, in a brief moment in time? Can you explore together, try out ideas, share experiments and space, rather than having a fixed fantasy. Can you offer verbal commands or respond to them, to see, hear and value each other, find out what has erotic charge in what we want to avoid or to learn. If power is not a dirty word, how can we be clear and clean in intentions & interactions, and a little bit naughtier? With encouragement, education and freedom we can explore our fears and edges.

Deflecting blame is easier than choosing empathy. Thinly veiled digs, the unfunny joke, unsolicited advice aka criticism, and dismissing pushback as oversensitive, are rarely helpful. Finding fault can be easier than admitting culpability, feeling trapped, confused, out of one's depth, superior, or unable or unwilling to care. A willingness to apologise, change one’s own behaviour or perspectives, can be a greater way to go deeper in a relationship than defending intransigence.

I have a head of household fantasy. A month of men in the house, fixing, fettling, digging, painting, asking me what needs doing. Working together to serve the mistress that is Mandala. I’m simply the Madame, dishing out instructions, appreciations and ‘Good Boys’. I’m not sure anyone would sign up but it’d be so much fun to be surrounded by testosterone, talent, paint and precision. It’s a long distance erotically from the FemDom club. There was a room where the submissives could only enter on their knees. The first time I went, I was innocent, and shockable. The second time, was much more exciting.

The push-pull of our belief that there's better can avoid entrapment, yet for how long do you want to have the same first date over and over again? Different person, similar pattern. We’re up against ourselves. It’s a great formula for staying peacefully free and resolutely alone.

It’s hard to be human on earth at this time. At any time. None of us will get away without suffering, old age and death. Existence is transitory and full of challenges. Which make glimmers of joy, meaningful connections and seeming breakthroughs gently magnificent.

Could you hear a no with grace? To see it as a change of direction rather than rejection. Can you say ‘no’ or ‘I can’t’ or ‘I don’t want to do that’ to others without guilt or over-explaining or needing to apologise? I still find it hard to say no without explaining why or apologising to close friends. With strangers it’s only slightly easier. With no, it feels new to be straightforward, which is what it sounds like without apology or guilt. I’m getting used to it though it doesn't feel natural or nice. It still has consequences. I don’t much like hearing no from others either. Acceptance rather than grace is often enough.

If much of sex happens to you, you respond to what you think is wanted of you, unspoken or otherwise, you’re missing the joy of knowing and feeling how to choose. You might get lucky and good things happen, maybe you’ll be non plussed.  Not sure what’s wrong, surely you’re being a gentleman or good girl, following the performance script. Though not quite satisfying enough, erotically or emotionally, I imagine you know this feeling of something missing. Choosing is revolutionary. Noticing, valuing and trusting what you’d like to create in touch takes it to a new magic. Asking to touch and to be touched, being able to express what’s happening, pausing, slowing down, feeling relaxed arousal, delicious sensations and closeness. It’s time to jump off the conveyor belt and choose consciously in as many moments as you can create. It can dissipate randomness and create heartfelt moments of meaning and honesty.

When the focus is on pleasure, connection and expression, rather than on performance, ejaculation or affirmation, something can change in our self-worth and wildness.