Stuck

The first day I was ever invited to stay in silence all day was at a Buddhist yoga retreat near the edge of a loch in Scotland. After yoga class, I went for a walk and was struck by the green of the grass, the reeds at the edge of the loch, and the cow’s eyelashes. Then at the scent and taste of a long-awaited coffee at the local hotel instead of barley cup at the retreat centre. And two little freshly baked scones. Heaven. Walking alone and in silence was a new experience. Mostly, I’d spent previous walks complaining about my boyfriend of the time to anyone who’d listen. It wasn’t till a friend told me I was like a stuck record that I shut up. It was years later I learned it was good to leave relationships. I didn’t have to stay just because of my unconscious conditioning, just because my father waited till my mother’s affair might be over. Leaving a lovelorn relationship is freedom.