August 2023

Back to “Reach for what you cannot.”

I have big news and it’s only now that I’ve come into some sense of feeling the smile return to the edges of my mouth. I think I’ve been in slight shock at what I’ve done, which has muted me for a while. And I’ve been a busy bee at home. The news bulletin is that I bought Mandala House on 5th July. And I have an offer on my house.  

Between those two small sentences is a bigger story that once I write it, will allow for the sense of wonder, miracle, and mystery of the unfolding. Yet I confess living with the pressure & the seeming mountains of doubt and debt, took the edge off. Though the process had so many moments of grace - perhaps the funniest bit was handing over packs of cash to beautiful lawyers and notaries - three muses in action, poring over topography and contracts. We did it!  

Then I left Corfu 2 days later to come home for The Sex Lectures and teaching on the Sexological Bodywork embodiment week at Hebden Bridge Town Hall.  It was so fantastic and it absolutely rekindled my admiration and wonder for that modality. 

I met my first tantra teacher a couple of weeks ago and I thought she said ‘Debt is grounding.’ Actually, she’d said, 'Doubt is grounding'. While doubt is good for humility, my first hearing was better, as it kickstarted my practical creativity which has felt shut down in the face of finding more loans, belief, stoicism and acceptance. So while my secret inner masochist has had a little field day, it’s time for the joy and expansion to begin. Hurrah. 

My heart lifts every time someone suggests a great idea to bring to Mandala. 

I can’t quite breathe a long out-breath yet - there’s the thought of leaving my home with my green valley view of 15 years, so a bit more packing and maybe an overdue cry. I am moving to Corfu on 28th August.  It’s sinking in slowly. And I can’t wait to see you there.  

Soon, there’s going to be time for reflection, I’m already seeing the help at every step of the way. I’m feeling totally blessed by all the ways I’ve been supported financially, emotionally, and practically. Feeling not alone in this is such a gift. 

So it turns out 82% belief in magic might be enough with all the prayers, spells, cash, cleansing, wanking, candle lighting, Osho tarot, pendulum guidance & good vibes, greek lawyers, estate agents, and generous, loving friends. There are so many ways of holding the vision of creating. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. 🙌 I'm in awe. Or I will be when I have a chance to pause and take it all in. And fall in love with the place brick by brick. 

It’ll all be alright. Probably.