In a book about how to be an adult in relationships by David Richo, I learned about the five A’s - appreciation, affection, attention, acceptance - with these four in place, we can have the fifth of allowing the object of our desire to leave our presence without feeling like catastrophe beckons. Even better, we find ourselves in a place in our lives where the five A’s are present from multiple sources, so we’re not so dependent on one mere human to contribute to our sense of being loved and whole. I could only ever remember three A’s at once. I had Post-it notes in my glasses cases for a while, then gave up trying to remember all five. I’m not very good at long traffic directions either, remembering anatomy, my friends’ kids' birthdays or the twelve astrological houses.
