People get bored of routines it’s the same with routine sex. We all want something to be different but how? I don’t know about you but many of us have a stash of once worn dressing up stuff and few opportunities to wear it. The idea is nice, the reality tricky: how to move from Netflix to a negligee in one seamless move.
This is where the genius of the Three Minute game comes in. Once you know the basics of the Wheel of Consent, the ideas behind Taking, Allowing, Giving and Receiving and have done the exercises for learning how to notice and feel more, your three minute oyster pearl awaits. And it can be played at anytime, so it’s much less pressure than date night. And do start with your clothes on, it’s less confusing.
What the Three Minute game does is break through any notion that you would know, as if by telepathy what someone else wants. It breaks the silent resentment of women at feeling disconnected from their partner in sex, at putting up with things, of going through the motions, of doing what someone else wants just to get it over with. It breaks the unconscious habit of men’s egos getting off on women getting off and then being a bit resentful when the interest isn’t reciprocated. It breaks the passivity of a woman not taking responsibility for her own pleasure.
You finally begin to learn what you really want in any precious three minutes. You learn to value hearing no and hearing yes. You learn to own and value the messages from your body. You stop doing what you’ve always done. You learn that varied pleasure is possible and you can create it instead of wait for it. And through this learning everything changes.
Three minutes is a wonderful amount of time to not get stuck in anything, to try something, to focus on you without it feeling selfish. It feels like freedom, for both players. You learn about each other and yourself. You become generous, brave and trusting, in yourself and each other.
One of my stand out life changing moments was with a previous lover. For one of his three minutes of Taking he’d asked to lick me. I was up for allowing that, and said yes. We were clear who it was for: him. He’d made the clear request and I was willing to help him out. It was gorgeous for me as the Allower. When the timer finished it would have been so easy to stay and choose the same thing for my three minutes. My breakthrough moment came when the timer went off, him saying “thank you”, me saying “you’re welcome” and us taking the pause.
At that point I noticed the sun streaming through the window. For my turn I asked him if he’d come and stand behind me in the sunshine and just hold me, kissing the back of my neck. As the sun flooded in on us, both naked and connected from that last turn, that pleasure was a delight. My choice. And in breaking that easy yet fatal old habit of just following what was always there, gorgeous as it was, I found a sense of freedom and power to follow an impulse and ask for something equally intimate and also incredibly sensual. Because it was mine.
If you’d like to book a session or three to understand more please call me on 07984 443069 or email learn@sexschoolforgrownups.com